I'll Be Back!

...so many times in my life I have found myself in a soft place, a warm predictable place...

a place where I knew what was on my right

and on my left

...a place where I could detect, in the most subtle waves in the air, that someone or something had been...

and then...uncontrolled

or unpredictable

or uncomfortable

circumstances step forward and I am forced to...

reevaluate and reassemble

and redefine my place,

my PLAN.................my DREAM...

I panic

I scream

I worry

I cry

I sleep

I wake

I breathe

I stand up straight...its a new day...

I step forward...the first step, like the ones I have taken many times before ...

I am on a new journey, heading into a new horizon,

looking forward to new discoveries, new uses of my gifts, new souls to meet, new challenges to face, and a

new me to find...

I have been trying to put some time aside in the business of my week to just...

feel the moment, see what I find, hear my heart...

its been awhile since I let myself slow down enough...

There is a new bump in the road I have found...

I am out of practice.

my mind is afraid of quiet...

as if peace is a vacancy that will be forever unfilled...

There is a great waterfall of noise that rushes in.

appointments, words, needs, noise, lists, duties

I am trying to separate what is really important,

you know...

I think we all ask ourselves that question now and then...

or at least try it out on ourselves...

what if...

I wonder what it will take...

for me to just sit and breath and feel...

a disaster, an earthquake, an illness...

some red-hot reminder that life [here] is fragile..

it does end...

will I get a chance to answer myself

with enough honesty to make a change?

this is definitely something I have to work on...

Today Is The Day!

This is a new year and today...

I am here...

I have been staring at this space-this space I am calling my own...

for close to a year.

I am surprised that it has taken me so long to start-

to share my thoughts...

my little moments...

to write as me...

not as

Mary the mom...

Mary the wife...

the daughter, the friend...

Mary the Adoption Specialist or Counselor...

but...as

Mary, the person who has moved so far away...

from she started...

Mary, the woman...

who once was the kid, carefree & dreaming,

the woman who exists apart from the world she has created...

in which she lives...

and that she loves...

I start today...

here and now...

in this special space...

to open the spirit that has grown quiet...

put upon the shelf...

until the kids have grown...

until that elusive "some day"...

which I am making today.